Urgh. The conflict is a never ending stream of bile and shite. One of the latest arguments to erupt under the Gender Critical umbrella is that having children is an expression of heterosexuality. Yeah, someone actually said this to a woman who is also lesbian. As in, she was suggesting lesbians shouldn’t be wanting to have kids because it’s something that heterosexual couples do. I wtf’ed so hard I nearly gave myself whiplash.
I am fucking sick of this shit.
Gotta be honest, am sick to fuck of smelling the privilege of middle-class identity shite.
I can’t actually do a feminism that wants to centre lesbians nor one which wants to centre black women either. I can, however, do a feminism which centres women in poverty irrespective of skin colour or sexuality. Where’s that type of feminism? I haven’t seen any sign of it yet but I’ll be submerged in it as soon as I do.
Some people are as thick as fucking horseshit. Seriously. This has never been about superficial identity shit, and I include race and sexuality in identity because some are too fucking quick to use it as an identity marker. All well and good if you need summat to flesh out yer bio, but honestly, when does anyone ever list their top three personality traits in these things?
I saw one woman use the words compulsory heterosexuality. There is no such thing as compulsory heterosexuality in this country or the one which that particular woman hails from. Just like there’s no such thing as compulsory nuclear family. That being said, you’re going to get shit irrespective of sexuality or race if you don’t follow the dominant social model. And I know this for a fact because I’m a very white, very working-class single-mother of six kids. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had to scrape myself off the bottom of somebody’s shoe.
You can also be very white and very heterosexual and still experience stigma and shame for NOT having children.
Surely it can’t only be me who sees the underlying problem is the lack of bodily autonomy for all women?
One of the most painful realisations for me is recognising there are so many women who think they’re fighting the good fight when all they’re doing is cutting the heads off the hydra whilst thinking they’re making progress.
The women who have an issue with lesbians having babies are usually the same ones who have an issue with women like me having babies. But let’s all take a minute to be thankful they ain’t the ones creating legislation.
The problem with identity politics is that it distracts away from universal concerns – in this instance it’s the shame that all women face when engaging in acts of bodily autonomy. I just wish there wasn’t all this hierarchy bullshit about what is and is not okay regarding family structure. Who the fuck is anyone to tell a woman what she should and should not desire in her life? Are married middle-class women so resentful of the role they’ve chosen that they can’t bear the thought of another woman actually being happy?
Anyway, if you’re a lesbian and reading this, I hope you ignore the undercurrents and the not-so subtle lesbophobia and enjoy your pregnancies and births… it ain’t just you they have a problem with. It’s every woman who isn’t married to a man with an income over 35k. It’s every young woman under the age of 21. It’s every woman who finds herself single after having 3 or more kids(you’re actually supposed to be able to predict the future). It’s every woman who chooses NOT to have children. And the list could so easily go on…
What’s that saying…opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one. Including me 😉
Addendum: this was left in draft during late autumn of 2019 and I’m still raging about it.